let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Randomize
