I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Randomize
