I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
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