his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
Sober January is a disaster.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
