You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
