I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
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The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
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I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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