Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Randomize
