I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Randomize
