All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Randomize
