Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
our cab driver is having phone sex.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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