You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
