10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Randomize
