Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Randomize
