this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize