I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
