cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Randomize
