Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
