If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
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