went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
