You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize
