Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
honey bunches of taint.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Randomize
