Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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