she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
