Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
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