I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Randomize
