Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
I am mentally ready for anal.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
