I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
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