the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Randomize
