I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize
