once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
30 People Reveal The Moment They Realized: ‘Oh Sh*t, I’m An A**hole’
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
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Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
why is there glitter IN my vagina????