So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill