So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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