My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
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