in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
false alarm. still invincible.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
