dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
I'm just crazy horny about you
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
