I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
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