I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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