You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
Randomize