Don't make out with my wife yet
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
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