At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Randomize
