So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Randomize
