You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Randomize
