So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Randomize
