You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
Randomize
