Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
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