Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
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