i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Randomize
