Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
we're so committed to being not committed
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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