I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Randomize
