Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Randomize
