I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Randomize
