Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Randomize
