Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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