Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
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