We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
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