Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
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