i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Randomize
