i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Randomize