6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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