My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
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