Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
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