I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
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