TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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