Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
So apparently I’m into choking now
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