wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
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