Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize