I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
