***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
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