wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Randomize
